“Are You SURE He Doesn’t Beat You?”

I hope this story angers you as much as it did me. (I also hope that you will help me in doing something about it.) This story just further illustrates how messed up the situation is for women and mothers in need.

I was talking to a mother of three today. Her family had fallen on hard times; her husband had been injured - not badly, but he couldn’t walk for three months, they had no health insurance (he was self-employed) and they had received an eviction notice in the mail. She was working, but the money she was making had to pay for the “necessities.” You know electricity, diapers and food. Well, as time went on her family fell further and further behind. (I know that feeling.) So in that very moment she made the decision to move the family to a smaller “all bills paid” apartment until they could get back on their feet. She started making calls to find a shelter for 30 days so she could save deposit money for a new place. (To my loyal friends, you already know why I like her: she makes no excuses, just figures it out mentality.) She did find some help with food from a local small town church. (Not surprised.)

“So, Aaron, where are you going with this story?” I am so glad you asked. As you know I fight EVERY single day for uninsured and underinsured pregnant moms. The key is the moms I help do NOT have maternity insurance AND they do NOT qualify for government assistance. That is why we call them “Moms in the Middle.” They are working contributors to society AND they hold the title of MOM!!!!

This mom started calling around for help after NOT qualifying for government assistance because she was working 3 jobs to keep her family’s dignity while her husband recouped from his injury. (Shouldn’t we reward this behavior? “Thanks for being a tax paying contributor…sorry we can’t help.”) Get ready to have your blood boil. This is what the social workers advice to her was…Are you sure you are ready???...

“Are you SURE he doesn’t beat you? We have plenty of programs for battered women.” “What?” She was asked again, “Are you SURE he doesn’t beat you? Because we can help you if that is the case!” So, she broke down and called the welfare office and demanded answers. Guess what she was told? Actually, I am going to let you read it in her own words…

“Sorry, we can probably give you food stamps, but we don’t have housing. Call the churches and charities.” I explained that I had already done that, and had been told they only had shelters for battered women. “Well, honey,” said the welfare worker, “sometimes you have to do what you have to do.” I was shocked. “I can’t say my husband beats me!” I protested “First, it’s not true; second, he could go to jail!” “Oh, it’s all confidential,” the worker assured me. “No one can file charges if you don’t give them his name. Just say you’re too scared, that he’s a cop or something. Then at least you and the kids aren’t living out on the street.” (The street is where that social worker belongs!!!)

Guess what this MOM did INSTEAD? She did NOT follow the social workers advice. She scraped together enough cash by begging and borrowing from everyone she knew, staved off the eviction notice by working out a payment plan, and took two part-time jobs in addition to her full-time job to make ends meet while her husband got back on his feet. HURRAY, HURRAY this is the behavior that should be rewarded!!! GOSH, is this not logical and OBVIOUS?!!!

I asked MOM, “Why didn’t you just take the FREE help?” “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t take some poor woman’s spot that was really in that kind of jam or harm. I just wish there was temporary aid for people who slip through the cracks, like my family. Of course, if I was unmarried, all three of my kids had different fathers and I was expecting a fourth, they would have had me in housing and all bills paid in about two seconds flat - I wouldn’t even have had to hold down a job.”

That statement makes me VERY angry, because she is right. Let’s replay, for a minute: This young mom was struggling to support her family. Her husband was a good man, who through no fault of his own, had been injured and was temporarily unable to support his family. (All they needed was a little help.) Instead, she was encouraged to lie, to accuse her husband of assault - in fact, battering would count as multiple assaults - to defraud the churches and charities set up to help battered women and to STEAL tax dollars. What a pathetic system! She made a good point when she mentioned that being married and her husband being the father of her children actually worked against her hopes of getting any aid. So, the lesson for all you moms that fall upon hard times… it’s simple…JUST…Quit your job, divorce your husband and go on the dole? (Remember, the system is your friend…)

To all the “Moms in the Middle” I want to personally thank you for all the sacrifices you make every day and I will continue to FIGHT for your dignity and to help STOP the unfair treatment.

Fighting for the uninsured and underinsured pregnant mom and their unborn babies,
Advocate Aaron